grandma shit on top of the toilet
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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