i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
