I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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