Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
where are you?
Hypothermia
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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