never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
