Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's the barista slut.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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