Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
