its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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