This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
