last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
