Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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