Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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