I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
