I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
