Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
