Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
