I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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