I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
