Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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