someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
