peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
