Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
