WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
