O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
