It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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