would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
