ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
