he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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