so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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