hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
