Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
