is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
