Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
