You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
