I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
