first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The best revenge is premature balding
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
