i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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