are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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