Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
