Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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