it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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