We're facebook friends in real life
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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