There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
