The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
