hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
