wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
