Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
