Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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