Define "chronic" masturbator.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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