..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
