Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
