I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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