If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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