Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
