I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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