I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
