What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
if i died would you start the facebook group?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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