is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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