Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
